I find myself alone this evening, the wife away at a work dinner party, the daughter at the inlaws. As you probably already know if you've read some of my blogs, I enjoy my solitude. So I am kicked back in the lounger in the living room, VH1 on the TV (a show called Drug Years), Mountain Dew at my side, comfy clothes on, nice summer evening breeze whispering promises through the window behind me.

This week has been quite a journey. Excuse my language, but I fucked up on Saturday after hanging out with an old friend with whom I thought I was armed and ready to be around......and WHAM just like that.......I took a snort and reminded myself why I have enjoyed being sober, guilt and regret free, and strong like the soldier I was while my wife was away. What blew me away was the fact the ten days she was away I was so strong amidst the opportunities to do anything I wanted, then in one fell afternoon swoop, while real life played electronic in the background, I took a blade to the heart.

But I made it through with new resolve and my Lord has forgiven me once again. He reminded me I am still a warrior He is molding, and one lost fight does not the battle lose. So me and my Master are all good.

Then, to top off the boy comedown, I forgot about my appointment for my psych meds (depression and anxiety) and instead waited in vain for the cable man, so I went three days without my meds which messed me up even more. By the time Monday morning rolled around, I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed, I didn't make it to work, I didn't eat, I didn't shower (ewwwww). I somehow made it in to the clinic for my meds anyway, but as many of you might understand, you miss a few days and whatever you're taking meds for can comeback tenfold until the meds get regulated in your system again. I made it to work Tuesday even though I felt like shit and was about to cry at the flush of a toilet, sound of a vacuum, or the smell of lemon stainless steel cleaner, but couldn't make it Wednesday. My boss asked when I called why I was depressed and I didn't have an answer. Luckily she is very understanding. But I hate missing work. Absolutely abhor it.

Last night I started to feel a bit better, and woke the morning with a clear mind, my meds back in action in the bloodstream, the Lord by my side, my wife and daughter supportive. I got to work and the first thing my boss did was hug me and ask how I was doing, and that meant more than she could know.

I've had a good day. I'm back on track. I've learned a couple new lessons (and here I thought I knew it all), lessons I'm putting into action. I made up my mind awhile back that this was the time in my life for REAL change, and no slip ups, knockdown drag outs are gonna keep me outa the race or permanently lead me away from the path My Lord has for me.

I AM THE WARRIOR POET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!